A paper or a life!

This is my first near-rhymed poem, at least in English. Hope it didn't sound stupid. Let me know your opinion or suggestions. Criticism is always welcome (I am just saying it) [:-D] So here you go:

When I was given the paper,
it was blank, neat and white!
It was too big for me and it was all mine!
I could write anything
and I wrote everything I found.
I was very happy,
so I wrote it down!
Then I wrote what all could be done with this thing.
some were the usual,some were interesting.
after a while or so I simply started drawing,
some lines or some curves whichever came to my mind.
they looked very stupid, didn't make much sense.
But who cared!
I was happy, so kept doing the same!


Now the paper is half-full,
only half is left!
I can't stop wondering,
how could I waste the rest?
I know I should think...
now I'm thinking what to write.
Starting with a line or two...
doesn't feel so right.
some lines are plans for the next,
some just blaming on my past-self.
but now I know the value of the paper,
and I'll never waste it again..


Then one day
the time will come,
I'll reach the last sentence!
I know what I'll think
or how will I be feeling then.
I might take the paper closer to my heart,
might just hold it tighter,
as I'll know it's almost over!
one thing for sure, I'll tell this to me once
'wish I had used the whole paper,
as I did the first half!'

was it a nightmare?

I wasn't sleeping anymore, but somehow I couldn't open my eyes. I was lying there for a while now, awake and yet not so. I could feel the softness underneath me. It could be a bed or something. But where was I, I had no idea. Last thing I remembered was breaking and entering the house, which was completely necessary at that moment as Lily was stuck in there with that animal in it. And hey, that just reminded me, what happened to Lily? I prayed to god that she was okay.

First I thought the place was very quiet, but now with more concentration I could hear some voices. Clearly they were having some conversation, but whichever language it was, it didn't make any sense to me. I tried to move, but I couldn't. It was like I was trapped inside my own body. Though I could hear, feel, smell.......speaking of smells, the place was smelling of chemicals. It was weird. And although I couldn't see anything I was not feeling any kind of lights either. So I assumed that the place was dark. So I had dark, chemical smell and somewhat creepy conversation. It never sounds good.

The source of conversation was now moving closer to me along with some sounds of footsteps. I could hear them clearly now and surprisingly they were all talking in english only. There was one female voice and rest sounded like male. When they were close enough to me, they halted. Almost at the same time another footsteps came hurrying and told in a female voice
-the lady has been taken care of!
-good! Thanks marina!

The later footstep again rushed away from me and rest of the people (at least I thought so) continued their conversation

-What are we gonna do with this one?
-We can't keep it here. We need to get rid off it.
-But how? I mean what if...what if he's alive.
-If so, then don't hesitate to kill...
-what? Aren't we going to be in danger? I mean you know the law!
- Since when did you start caring about the law?
-Well, don't worry Samantha we have managed it before. We can manage this time also.
-Okay, so shall we go now?

Their voices started fading away. But that wasn't very pleasing to me. Whoever those people were, they were planning to kill me! How did I land myself in such situation! I always thought I was the last person to be target of anyone. And here I was, lying in some unknown place, with some unknown people around who wanted to kill me. And I didn't have control on my body. I felt desperation to see Lily. I knew it was all my fault. If only I could think of a better anniversary present than taking her to safari. How could I be so careless!

I tried to sleep off again so that this all turned out to be a bad dream. But my heart was too scared to doze off. I was using all my nervous system(whichever was on working state) to get as much information as possible. There were frequent whispers of people, some sounds of metals and once or twice I felt something or someone touching me here and there. Nothing was helpful. I could think of a plan to escape, but I knew executing it was out of question. I was never very strong, but now I was missing whatever strength I had earlier.

I hadn't tried talking till then. But I wasn't sure if it was the right time to do so as I wasn't able to see if anyone was around and definitely the surrounding was not very friendly.

Lying there for so long and so helpless I couldn't help wondering about the past one year with Lily. Past year had been so great that I never had to think back about my decision to marry her. She is the most beautiful and wonderful thing ever happened to my life. And how could I risk her life like a fool. If I could just make sure that she was okay, I wouldn't even care to die..at least that's what I thought.

I wasn't sure for how long I was lying there and cursing myself, but I came back to sense and also to my current pathetic situation when another voice approached me.

-Don't worry Mr. Arnold. Everything's gonna be over pretty soon.

Wow! She knew my name. I wondered if it was a good sign! Only if I knew how to ask her for help.

-It will all be over before you know, or even sense for that matter....just like your wife.

On the other hand maybe not! And what did she mean by just like my wife......was she..? I couldn't think any further except for praying for all of these to be a bad dream.

Some more footsteps came closer. I couldn't say for sure, but they seemed to be the same bunch of people as earlier.

-What's the status?
- As we expected, all things are going well. I was just waiting for you to come before I inject.

After a pause one guy answered -yeah, go ahead. It looks like the right time.

I didn't know what were they injecting but I knew the purpose. I felt the touch of a soft palm and then a jolt of pain in my forearm, but as expected couldn't move a muscle to react to that. The pain stopped immediately, but now I was feeling something else. Some sensation through my whole body. Something which can not be described in words. Then shockingly I just moved one of my fingers, then others and gradually rest of the body. My body was responding to me. I could feel a slight pain in my leg, but I was okay with it as I was at least able to feel it. I was still scared, but I tried to open my eyes and get this, it worked. First it was hazy, but when it became clear,the first thing I saw was a tiger just behind the glass window. It was lying there and it was the same what attacked our house. I stared back to my room. It was a dimly lit room with lots of medical apparatuses and bunch of people in white coat.

I was in a hospital and those people were doctors! But then.......

-We were planning to kill that animal, but it's dead already.

I looked back at the tiger. Stupid me, they were planning to kill that, not me. I looked back to them and only word came out of my mouth was 'lily'
-Oh your wife, she is fine. She is in the other room. You both were attacked by that animal.
He pointed at the tiger and continued

-It's a special one. You don't get it everywhere. It has a fascinating way of killing. People die after 3 days of their attack. But till that time they are sent to a state of coma...well similar to coma I would say. Fortunately we were able to give you the antidote at time. So here you are.
-So it's not a tiger?
-you wish it was! You can meet your wife now if you feel like, you know...

I didn't wait for him to complete the sentence,but rushed into the other room.

Next morning we packed our things and headed back to home and as far my murder plan goes I took a oath to take it to my grave.

Pilot :-)

Hola Amigos!

Since I have started writing poems again, I thought of creating a separate blog for that. Let's see how it works. Here are the poems till date from my other blog......

Date: 26 Jul'09
Name: A Loser

Ma I don't wanna die anymore...
I die every night to live another day
Everyday I kill myself a bit!
I run till I hurt myself and still can't finish the race
I lose again and again to achieve something,I don't know what
and yet I can't quit
Am I a born loser
or is it just the game I never opted for?

Ma I don't wanna play anymore
I am tired of loosing,
and I don't know what to win.
I only wanna leave the ground,once and for all
with honor or with shame,
I wanna run and hide as well...
somewhere quiet and calm,somewhere green
Ma I wanna sleep now, like a little kid!
like win or loose doesn't matter, it's all percpective!
Let me just sleep now Ma, please!


Date: 12 Jul'09
Name: Pretty as you were

Let's put on the old jeans
and throw the last piece of loose tshirt on.
Make a hairdo like you couldn't care less,
Take a look into the reflection,
the resemblance of a long known person,
who was left alone somewhen unseen, unnoticed.

Now you walk down the road....to the highway...
Then to the south, north, east, west....
To every bit of this plastic city, where you couldn't be yourself
moving through the crowd,
whose material sickness you couldn't shake off your skin completely....
until now!

Cause now the cloud is clear,
now you've found yourself, found the faith that you've lost long way back.
Every want now can be turned to a can and then shall......
Every bit of plastic has been shaken off,
Now you are free.....free from the suffocating illusions..
free to use your torn jeans and old tshirt.....again!


Date: 24 May'09
Name: নষ্টালজিয়া

নষ্টালজিয়া-
শুধু স্মৃতি নয়, একটা ভ্রম।
যা চলে গেছে, যা অতীত
-তার প্রতি অপারক, অন্তহীন ভালোবাসা।
যা চলছে-তা তো সত্যি, বাস্তব;
আর যা আসবে-তার কথা কে বলতে পারে!
তবু ধরা-ছোঁওয়ার বাইরে থেকেও
ধমনির গোড়ায় জাগিয়ে তুলতে পারে-দুঃসাহসিক উত্তেজনা।
কিন্তু অতীত-সেখানে শান্তি, সেখানে নিরাপত্তা।
একটা গোপন আশ্রয় নিজের থেকেও সংগোপনে রাখা,
আদ্যান্ত মগেজের শিরায় শিরায় চিত্রাঙ্কিত।

স্মৃতি বিস্মৃতির উষ্ণ গলিতে পালিয়ে যাওয়ার উন্মাদনা-
নষ্টালজিয়া।


Date: 08 Mar'09
Name: Unknown

প্রথমে সব রঙগুলো উধাও হয়,
তারপর সাদাকালো উচ্ছিষ্টের
সাদা রঙেও কালচে পরে যায়।
এক রাশ ধুলো বালি ছেয়ে যায় কখন অযান্তে।
শরীর যত বৃদ্ধি পায় - আয়তনে, উচ্চতায়,
ততই সঙ্কীর্‌ন হয়ে পরে শরীরের একখানি ছোট্ট অংশ।

আশঙ্কার আতঙ্কে আশ্রয় নেয়,
আপাত সুরক্ষিত এক ছোট্ট কোটরে।
একদিন পাখি হয়ে উড়ে যেতে চেয়েছিল,
একদিন চেয়েছিল মাটির গন্ধ বুকে নিয়ে হারিয়ে যেতে কোথাও।

আজ নুরি পাথরকে পাহার বলে ভুল হয়,
শিশির বিন্দুতে খুঁজে নেয় প্রথম শ্রাবন ধারার তৃপ্তি।

আজ তার কাছে বাঁচার মানে-
মৃত্যু এখনো আসেনি।


I will keep you posted whenever I write one! Gracias!